Sunday, February 04, 2007

Advice Column: I'm Not Sure I Want Kids, Should I Marry a Man Who Doesn't?

A question of children

A woman facing marriage with a man who (having a child from a previous marriage) has always been firm that he doesn't want kids with her. She is unsure of how strong her desire to be a parent is. The response:
Yet nowadays, the childless-by-choice are on the rise and are frequently evangelical about the upsides. Your boyfriend is certainly not alone in his views - although his position is somewhat disingenuous in that he purports to want childlessness from the vantage point of already being a father. Now that you find yourself on the verge of marrying him, you need to decide how fundamental is your desire to procreate and if it's part of your essential being.
. . .
Many women fail to confront their partners about desired pregnancy and then panic when it's too late. I would urge you to take control of your own destiny.
. . .
Whether you opt in or out, the parenting choice should be a joint one for all couples planning a life together, and his agenda shouldn't be the only one. It might help if he explained more fully his unwillingness to have more children, and his feelings about his daughter might be a good place to start the discussion.

An open debate is just one of many you should have in your life together, and if the relationship is as good as you say, you will have nothing to fear. You may decide to embrace your boyfriend's view of an exciting future without children and can perhaps enjoy playing a part in bringing up his daughter.

Technorati Tag:

No comments: