Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Mommies can lose touch with shame and propriety.

Disgusting? What do you mean 'Disgusting?'
Lorene warned me that after I had a kid, two words would completely lose meaning. The first was "fluid." The second, "disgusting."
. . .
Friends of mine were kicked out of a restaurant and told never to return after they changed their kids' diapers at their table. While I don't think the restaurant over-reacted, I can completely understand how the couple could momentarily lose all sense of decorum – and hygiene. They've just lost touch with what it means to be disgusting.

I'm not that bad. Yet. But it does look as though I'm in the poop too deep to ever turn back. When Zev used his "baby potty" for the first time the other day, I wanted to take out a full-page ad in the paper. Instead, I waited until the wee hours of the morning to log on to IM and regale the only person online with Zev's tale of toilet triumph.

"Kevin!" I said. "Zev pooped in the potty today!"

I started to type out the whole story....

But Kevin shot back a conversation-crushing nonparent reply, "And moving right along."

"Seriously?" I wrote back. He didn't find this fantastic news?

"Seriously." He replied.

I was a little miffed, but I understood. He probably still thinks fluids come in bottles, full of corn syrup and carbonation.

For me, those days are so far in the review mirror, I have to squint to see them. And I realize that there are no U-turns on this road. Thirty years from now, if I'm in a restaurant and see a woman slurp down a half-chewed piece of cheddar while changing a dirty diaper, I'll just wind past the revolted crowd, casually walk over to her table and ask, "Got any more of that cheese?"
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1 comment:

snerdie said...

Not just the mommy crowd. Anyone who's ever gotten a puppy is immediately immersed in a similar world of piss and shit and any previous complexes about bodily functions have to take a back seat to reality. Cleaning up, dealing with, and keeping track of said emissions becomes a large part of raising a puppy. Even after the puppy is housebroken and eliminations take place outside, the nature of the products is still a topic of discussion. Did the dog poop? How much? Was it squishy? Solid? Color? And on and on. Of course, the consistency of our dog's shit is not something that we care to discuss among anyone other than ourselves, because it's...well, it's gross, and no one needs to hear about how the last time Hannah took a dump it was like soft serve ice cream, and we better adjust her kibble brand to address that.