Should I have a kid or not?

I thought I didn't want one, but now I'm in my 30s and I'm not sure.

I'm linking to the "print" version of this in case the messy text in the main article is a problem with the page and not my browser. This is almost two years old, and pre-dates this blog, but I had to include it for the great little quote below.

For me, it was a matter of coming to understand what it actually feels like to want something -- to really, really want something. One day I realized that I knew what it felt like to want to be a writer. I knew what it felt like to want to marry my wife, to play music. And when I thought about having kids, I just did not have that same feeling, and neither did my wife. We knew that there were people for whom having kids had never been in doubt. They always knew it, as we had always known certain other things. That was the key point.

Then, having discovered what we felt, it was a matter of making practical choices. We knew we could not have everything.

So, being somewhat conservative in our estimate of what is actually possible to achieve, we decided that we ought to concentrate on those things we really knew we wanted. That is what we are doing now.

So she happened upon a childfree advice columnist (yeah!) and his reasoning is novel and insightful.

It ties into what I am always trying to articulate - that I am childfree less because I have reasons not to want a child, but more because I lack reasons to have them. Granted, there are also many factors that ensure me my own choice is permanent - factors that have to do with not liking kids as much as parents should and liking my quiet a bit too much.

But at the heart of it I bristle at people asking me why I'm childfree, because I feel it is the wrong question to ask. The writer sums up a different approach and reasoning to the same conclusion: having kids is not the default. It is something you must want.

Technorati Tag: childfree

How teens drive women to work

How teens drive women to work

Law firms are particularly good places for determining who puts in the most hours. Private-sector lawyers keep records so-called "billable hours"
. . .
Before having children women typically put in far more billable hours than men as many as 1600 perhaps because, as Dr Wallace suggests, they feel compelled to demonstrate exceptional work commitment in order to have any hope of being as successful as a man.

Going back to work after having had children, they typically put in far fewer hours around 1400 a year although my own observation suggests they get about as much work done as before. Parenthood necessitates efficiency, at least for women.

Yes. Let us take legitimate data, and draw unwarranted conclusions based on one journalist's observations.

But something surprising happens to Canadian female lawyers after their children become teenagers. They boost their hours at work again, putting in more hours than men and even more than they did before they had children.

Women with teenagers become by far the most productive workers in the office, and even more so if I am right about them having become ultra-efficient.

Again with Mr. Martin throwing in his own theories. I really could have done without it. And from I know about the precepts of journalism, he might need a bit of retraining.

Technorati Tag: childfree

Another reason it sucks to be unmarried and childless

Another reason it sucks to be unmarried and childless

This hysteria was sparked by a report released Friday by Britain's Trades Union Congress finding that single, childless women in their 30s are more likely than mothers, fathers and childless men to do unpaid overtime work. Among childless women, 24.2 percent work unpaid overtime, averaging 7.4 hours a week; 17 percent of mothers put in unpaid overtime, averaging 5.7 hours. Interestingly enough, men who do put in unpaid hours clock the most overtime on average; fathers put in an average of 8.3 hours, compared with 7.4 hours for single men.

Technorati Tag: childfree

It can be hard to have friends who aren't moms

It can be hard to have friends who aren't moms

If I didn't notice it before, I get it now: There is a huge difference between my girlfriends who have kids and those who do not.

The latest proof came when my 2-year-old recently took down a Starbucks with my childless friend as a witness.

Technorati Tag: childfree

Married with(out) Children

To breed or not to breed? That’s just one of the questions 2 posed to child-free-lifestyle advocate Jerry Steinberg. His answers may surprise you…

Q: Why should people choose a child-free lifestyle?
It’s truly a personal decision, and I would never tell anyone that they should or should not have children. You have to make the choice that’s right for you. But let’s not forget humans consume resources and create pollution. Do we really need more consuming polluters?

Technorati Tag: childfree

No, I don't have kids. My husband and I are cheerfully child-free.

You Assumed Wrong

There are many child-free people like my husband and me out there, and we live our lives just as other people do. We go to work. We go to the movies. We have friends and family who care about us and whom we care about. Just because we don't push our societal contributions in a stroller does not mean we have made none.

Parenthood is a choice, not an obligation, and it's a choice that should not be made lightly. To have children because you want someone to look after you in your old age, or because your family expects you to carry on the name, are just two in a long list of wrong reasons to have children.

Technorati Tag: childfree

Does age 2 really have to be so terrible?

TALES FROM THE CRIB

So is there such a thing as the "terrible twos"? Or is it just an excuse parents have to describe bad behavior?

Parenting expert Michele Borba, author of the book "Don't Give Me That Attitude!," describes the tantrum behavior of 2-year-olds as no less than an "exorcism."

"It's developmentally normal. What your child is trying to do is to assert themselves and they don't have the skills," she said.

Two-year-olds, she said, are extremely egocentric, which may explain why Aubrey doesn't want me to get any grocery shopping done. After Aubrey ran away down the soda aisle, the checker asked me her name.

Technorati Tag: childfree

The late baby debate

You're late thirties, single and you want a baby. Should you get pregnant and have one anyway?

In the end, my hand was forced as I found myself having to go for it aged 35. I have survived due to a certain amount of luck, a lot of physical fitness (I’m actually in better shape than I have ever been) plus a bit of emotional strength boosted by a great deal of counselling. But this is not for everyone. Why not wait a bit longer if it means you are able to draw on the strength a loving relationship provides, or to have a little more financial security or a little more personal maturity? As any parent will tell you, as this little bundle of love crashes into your world and your life changes almost out of all recognition, for ever, the more secure you can be, the better.

Technorati Tag: childfree

UK couples who don't want to have a family

UK couples who don't want to have a family

Two decades ago, if a woman of child-bearing age had felt as Minnie does now, it's unlikely that she would have been willing to voice her opinions in public.

But today, when even the average age for a woman to give birth has risen to 29, the stigma of being deemed selfish if one chooses to be childless has lessened considerably, simply because it is becoming increasingly common.

While it is true that Britain's population is booming, according to the Office for National Statistics this is due in large part to the numbers of migrant women giving birth.

The reality is that, worldwide, some 41 per cent of women born in 1969 have no children. For many, the misery of infertility is the cause, but for others it is a life choice.

Technorati Tag: childfree

Amazon Tag:
Childfree

China: Pets fill void for childless couples

Pets fill void for childless couples

Chen Danmian, a representative of the Guangzhou Pet League, said: "Having a pet rather than a child is gaining popularity in DINK families in Guangzhou."

He said most DINK couples that choose a pet over a child are white-collar workers born in the 1970s and early 80s.

Technorati Tag: childfree

Why make pariahs of the childless?

Why make pariahs of the childless?

What I do understand is that children should be brought into the world by those who really want them. This is a reasonable expectation. What is, however, unreasonable is for those who choose not to have children on the grounds that they don't really want them to be characterised as socially irresponsible by members of the broader community who associate decency and responsibility with family.

Technorati Tag: childfree

Beyond Babies

Beyond Babies

Even in once conservative societies, more and more couples are choosing not to have kids. That means good things for restaurants and real estate. But a backlash has already begun.

Technorati Tag: childfree

Increase in IVF 'is leading to a rise in global fertility problems'

Increase in IVF 'is leading to a rise in global fertility problems'

But the hidden cost is the transmission of defective genes which increase the rate of fertility problems in society, according to two professors writing in the British Medical Journal today.

Technorati Tag: childfree

Death Just as Certain, Taxes More So for Childless

Your Money: Tax credit little help to childless

Most of the nearly $44 billion in total payments for 2006 went to struggling families with children. But nearly one in five people who get the credit have no qualifying children, and there's growing concern that these taxpayers aren't getting their fair share.

Childless workers – both single and married – received just more than $1 billion for 2006, or only 2.4 percent of program spending, according to the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, a research center for social-welfare issues.

This year, single and married workers with no qualifying children can get maximum credits of only $428. Those with one child can receive up to $2,853 and workers with two or more children can get up to $4,716.

These payment disparities make it harder for the tax credit to lift workers without children out of poverty and provide little incentive for them to find jobs, both of which are primary goals of the program.

Boost in tax credit sought for childless poor

Childless workers — both single and married — received just more than $1 billion for 2006, or only 2.4 percent of program spending, according to the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, a research center for social-welfare issues.
. . .
House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Charles Rangel, a New York Democrat, has introduced a broad tax-restructuring bill, HR 3970, that would double the maximum earned credit for childless workers next year and increase the income level at which the credit begins to phase out.

Rangel said the current $427 maximum was unfair, considering that childless workers were the only taxpayers who must pay federal income taxes even when their incomes fall below the federal poverty line.

The push for change is long overdue, many experts said, because work-force participation rates for less-educated men have been falling for decades, while rates for similarly educated women have increased. A more robust tax credit might help reverse that trend for men.

“It’s certainly time to re-examine the earned income tax credit,” said Michael Graetz, a Yale University law professor and tax-policy expert. “I think you can fairly ask the question whether or not it’s not outdated in terms of being so small for people without children.”

That sentiment, however, is hardly unanimous.
. . .
“Why should we give an (enhanced) income supplement to a strapping 24-year-old male working at a construction site as a helper? It seems to me to be going beyond the intention” of the credit, Hodge said.

Technorati Tag: childfree

The flexible working hours law is positive discrimination

Deborah Hill Cone: Hold my calls - the bichon frise needs me

Can childless workers choose special hours to accommodate commitments for something else important to them such as looking after their irritable bichon frise or learning Morris dancing? Not likely.

The flexible working hours law is positive discrimination and, like other affirmative action programmes, it is conceptually dumb and practically dumb. Ideologically, discrimination is wrong.
. . .
This is not to say that there are not ways to combine caring for a family with work. The most successful is to become an independent contractor or self-employed. . . .
The problem is, like it or not, women who have children are always going to be second-class workers and no law can redress this. The reason is: when push comes to shove, their children come first.

Technorati Tag: childfree

For dads, happiness is no kids

For dads, happiness is no kids

THE patter of tiny feet has long been thought of as the key to happiness.

But according to a study, having children makes men less satisfied with their life, while women only enjoy motherhood once their offspring are packed off to school.

Between the ages of three and five, children made mothers less satisfied with life, while being the father of a child under five "significantly reduces"' life satisfaction.

Women with children aged five to 15 were happier than those who did not have children. Even children of school age brought no increase or decrease in happiness for men.

The study, carried out by the Institute for Social & Economic Research in Colchester, England, surveyed nearly 4000 couples between 1996 and 2003.

Technorati Tag: childfree

Missing: The 'Right' Babies

Missing: The 'Right' Babies

Europe is failing to produce enough babies -- the right babies -- to replace its old and dying. It's "the baby bust," "the birth dearth," "the graying of the continent": modern euphemisms for old-fashioned race panic as low fertility among white "Western" couples coincides with an increasingly visible immigrant population across Europe.

Technorati Tag: childfree

Is there an ideal family size?

Is there an ideal family size?

While 10 kids might sound overwhelming -- or even terrifying -- to most people, it is part of everyday life for Val Jackson of Paw Paw. Jackson and her husband are raising two biological and eight adopted children who range in age from early teens to early 30s.
. . .
For many people, family doesn't include children. Intentionally remaining childless as a couple or a single person works for many people. The Childless by Choice Project surveyed 171 voluntarily childless individuals and couples in the United States and Canada to find out their main motivators. The No. 1 reason: ``I love our life, our relationship as it is, and having a child won't enhance it.'' Other motivators, such as lifestyle and economics, also play a role.

How did you choose your family size? Or did you leave the number of children to fate? Sound off at www.mlive.com/familytalk. And while you're at it, find others who feel the same way -- or who made very different decisions.

Technorati Tag: childfree

Parent Shock: Children Are Not Décor

Parent Shock: Children Are Not Décor

“[Being a later parent has become part of the mainstream.” (In 2005, Ms. Gregory says in her book, 10 times as many women had their first child between age 35 and 39 as in 1975, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and 13 times as many had their first between 40 and 44.)

At the same time, people age 35 to 44 are the most dedicated group of furniture consumers, outspending adults of all other ages, per household, according to Jerry Epperson, who tracks the American furniture market for Mann, Armistead & Epperson, an investment banking and corporate advisory firm in Richmond, Va. “That’s what these people are willing to invest in,” Mr. Epperson said.

And when the investment has been not in cribs or other nursery furniture but in the classic “double income, no kids” fantasy of a pristine, high-style home for grown-ups, the transition can be hard.

Technorati Tag: childfree