Monday, April 07, 2008

Musings of an Adoptive Mom

Adoption Adventures

I'll go out on a limb and declare this relevant. After all, for the many childfree people who are at least partially motivated by population concerns or bothered by disruptive children in public, most adoptive parents are much less "part of the problem". They don't increase the overall number of children in the world, but typically just shift those who are already here to a better situation.

In the case of the blogger here, we see another key difference from typical parents: a lack of the self-replicating drive, the drive to procreate. The author here chose to adopt despite not having known fertility problems. Imagine the impact of such a choice: fewer unwanted children without stable homes, less population growth, and a generation of parents whose motivations tend more generally toward the selfless.

But we live in a society where adoption is nearly always a solution to infertility, and genetic reproduction is the default. The social pressures that contribute to this phenomenon parallel what childfree people face about the choice to be parents at all:
That's not ordinary. In fact, it's downright weird in some people's eyes.

"Why wouldn't you at least try to have your own? Everyone would rather have their own! And for all you know you could conceive easily! Then if it doesn't work right away you can always do fertility treatments! You could use donor eggs! Medical science can do amazing things! You should at least try!"

Thanks, but no thanks.
. . .
I have to be honest and say that it really sucks to get hit with so much negativity. You tell people you're adopting and you're so excited to share the news. You want people to be excited along with you!

People mean well. They care about us and don't want to see us get hurt. I appreciate that. But I'd be lying if I said it's not a huge bummer to have your excitement met with doom and gloom. Fortunately we've got enough people in our corner that are excited for us and support our decision to balance out the naysayers. We draw strength from that support, and from the firm belief that we are choosing the path that is right for us.

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