After hearing the New Yorkers call in, some of our readers may understand why I don't see myself as representative of the childfree experience. It really is pretty common and normal here. I'm halfway through Ms. Valenti's book right now, and the political is very much on my mind. I don't envy feminist mothers forced to choose between the all-consuming-mothering paradigm and the desire to maintain a sense of self. You just can't win. Either you relegate yourself into a pre-feminist role of second-citizen status, or you don't love your kids enough to sacrifice for them. I think that is because we don't question the notion that kids should always come first - even if the cost to the mom is higher than the benefit to children. The book suggests that we fetishize motherhood as a unique bond partly to discourage women from roles in the public sphere. If the holy rites of motherhood are so much better for the child than is time with other caregivers, it gives us license to tell women to make the home their domain without admitting that's where we prefer them anyway.

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