Friday, January 03, 2014

How Not To Be A Dick To Your Childfree Friends

1.“I thought I didn’t want kids, too -– but then I grew up.”
. . .
This line of reasoning is scarily similar to things queer people often hear -– it’s just a phase, you’ll get over it, you’re just trying to be edgy/trendy.

But by declaring that your childfree friend will change his or her mind implies two things:
  1. You know your friend’s mind, hopes, dreams and desires better than your friend ever could. Your friend is mistaken about his/her desire to live a childfree life, and, by proxy, maybe not so smart.
  2. You think your friend’s very responsible, often quite difficult, decision has been made flippantly and without much consideration.
I find that this is often coupled with the idea that I don't know what I am missing, so as to justify the idea that they know better than I do.  I have a ready-made retort handy:  My mother knows what I am missing, and she doesn't think I am making a mistake.  I'd say she knows me a fair bit better than you do.  Indeed, I have never heard this from someone who knows me well at all.

Still, even if this were coming from someone close, the speaker only knows what parenting would be like for them - someone who actually wanted to parent.  They are completely incapable of understanding what parenting would be like for someone without that urge.  Therefore, they are in no position to understand your choice at all.

Click over to the article for a far longer list of ways not to be a dick.

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