Monday, January 13, 2014

Childfree Life: Kids Really Do Ruin Marriages, Study Finds

Childfree Life: Kids Really Do Ruin Marriages, Study Finds
In a study of more than 5,000 adults, findings showed that childless couples have happier marriages and feel more valued in their relationships, reports The Guardian. But researchers also found that women without children were the least happy with their lives overall, whereas mothers were happier than any other group, even if they had troubles in their relationships. Yet fathers were twice as likely as mothers to report a lack of sexual intimacy as the biggest problem in their relationship.
If society stopped putting pressure on folks to procreate, I wonder what that rate would be? I suspect that deliberately choosing parenthood would result in happier parents than those who simply stumble into it as the default. Recently, a very close friend and relative had a child. She told me that having childfree people in her life had caused her to make the decision differently than she would have otherwise; she spent more time deliberating on the decision. I don't think it is a coincidence that a year later, she is a happy mother. Still, without a larger sample size, it is just speculation.
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Friday, January 03, 2014

How Not To Be A Dick To Your Childfree Friends

1.“I thought I didn’t want kids, too -– but then I grew up.”
. . .
This line of reasoning is scarily similar to things queer people often hear -– it’s just a phase, you’ll get over it, you’re just trying to be edgy/trendy.

But by declaring that your childfree friend will change his or her mind implies two things:
  1. You know your friend’s mind, hopes, dreams and desires better than your friend ever could. Your friend is mistaken about his/her desire to live a childfree life, and, by proxy, maybe not so smart.
  2. You think your friend’s very responsible, often quite difficult, decision has been made flippantly and without much consideration.
I find that this is often coupled with the idea that I don't know what I am missing, so as to justify the idea that they know better than I do.  I have a ready-made retort handy:  My mother knows what I am missing, and she doesn't think I am making a mistake.  I'd say she knows me a fair bit better than you do.  Indeed, I have never heard this from someone who knows me well at all.

Still, even if this were coming from someone close, the speaker only knows what parenting would be like for them - someone who actually wanted to parent.  They are completely incapable of understanding what parenting would be like for someone without that urge.  Therefore, they are in no position to understand your choice at all.

Click over to the article for a far longer list of ways not to be a dick.

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