Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Woman explains why she can't be friends with mums

New Zealand Herald
"It wasn't for lack of either of us trying, just that catch-ups became incredibly difficult to schedule and on the rare occasion they did happen, they were typically overrun by breastfeeding and baby talk," she said. The Australian journalist points out that, while she is thrilled for her friends, there is a sense of loss for her that comes from losing that friend to their new baby.

"I've been happy for all of my friends who've gone on to have children, to see the joy it's brought them, but a part of me feels a sense of loss at the same time too, because I know the relationship won't stay the same, and will likely at some point inevitably end."

Have you had this problem? I have been able to hang on to my friends with children, although the vast majority of my friends don't have any. I think the key is that I typically make friends with driven, professional women. I have never had a friend suddenly unable to talk about anything but children, perhaps because they are lawyers, math professors, and others with graduate degrees that evince a strong interest in something other than motherhood. It's possible that someone can change and lose all interests outside their children, but I have been lucky so far.

Perhaps my own background lead me to choose these kinds of friends, as my own mother spent her life as a dedicated teacher with interests outside of us. She has said in no uncertain terms that she would never have been comfortable with an identity that revolved around us, once even recoiling when an old classmate adopted the screenname "MadisonsMom"

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