Being a feminist is actually much MORE important, more vital to human progress, and more helpful for children than all women everywhere growing up to be mothers.
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Sunday, January 29, 2017
Friday, January 27, 2017
". . .the toddler has thus far failed to recognize that his temper tantrums and messy eating habits have motivated several of his mother’s friends, as well as a couple who were eating near Gibson’s family at a restaurant, to go their entire lives without ever raising children of their own."
Monday, January 23, 2017
In my very biased view, I found his take on our status very intruiging. While the news media tends to cover us in positive-neutral ways that reflect a growing acceptance,
"Bad news part one is that entertainment media (sitcoms, movies, etc.) still generally show the childfree as selfish, hedonistic, or in the case of men who don’t show an interest in parenthood, being immature man-children. Having a kid is still portrayed as a civilizing factor. . .I think this reflects the notion that, although society has improved in its awareness and acceptance, we still have a long way to go. I believe individuals and even communities vary greatly in their perspective on, and acceptance of, the voluntarily childless. Vinny is working on publishing his research; in the meantime I recommend reading the entire Q&A to get a brief description of his results.
Everything with them requires two trips. To eat, I picked up one boy, all twenty pounds of him, and strapped him into his highchair. He started banging the chair against the floor while I grabbed the other and started the process all over again. Trying to feed two hungry one-year-olds simultaneously was rather difficult. Trying to balance the yogurt on the spoons while aiming for their constantly moving mouths while trying to minimize mess was impossible. The boys showed me their mess making skills by getting yogurt into their eyes, noses, and on the floor. Somehow yogurt got in their ears, which I still don’t get how they managed that.
Then there were the times when they both wanted comfort, whether they were sleepy or they had fallen. My arms aren’t big enough to hold both of them. I tried to switch off who got hugged first but I always felt bad. I felt like I was showing favoritism that was going to scar them for the rest of their life. Then they’d hit each other and I’d have to separate them, and they both started howling. It took forever to calm them down; when holding one, the other was crying. Set the calm one down to help the other, and the calm one started crying again. There were fun times when they both wanted to play, but they overwhelmed me.
Friday, January 06, 2017
Tuesday, January 03, 2017
This year film, Maman? Non merci! (roughly translated as Being a mom? No thanks!) by the 2014 Childfree Woman of the Year, Magenta Baribeau, won the Best Feature Film Award at the London Feminist Film Festival ... More Use of the Word, “Pronatalism” in the Media ... More Talk about RegretRead the article to see more movies in the pipeline, examples of these media trends, and other childfree hallmarks of 2016. What changes have you noticed recently in the way childfree people and the parenting decision are portrayed publicly? One thing I have seen is that work-life advocates have shifted more towards flexible hours for all of us, or time off for all our endeavors, where previously giving that only to mothers was the main ask. I think we're starting to see fairness as part of the equasion, and benefits to employers when all employers have their needs met.
Sunday, December 18, 2016
Not as much news as a curated collection of Reddit posts. I found the Indonesian one particularly intersting, and it certainly checked out.
Thursday, December 08, 2016
The Princeton-Stony Brook study -- which involved an examination of a survey of 1.8 million Americans, including parents between the ages of 34 and 46, conducted by Gallup from 2008 through 2012 -- did find one difference between parents and the childless: Parents tend to experience more highs and lows. "They have higher highs. They have more joy in their lives, but also they have more stress and negative emotions as well," said Stone.I'm always a little skeptical of these studies. Whenever people self report something, especially something as subjective as happiness, how reliable is the data? This would be especially suspect if something in the study tipped off the participants to the fact that they were studying this topic. Some parents have an agenda to convince the world that parenting is both the hardest job in the world and the most rewarding - an agenda that might eclipse any inward reflection. The presence of this type of parent could mar the results. Even if they didn't realize what was being studied, the mentality might be pervasive.
And as I have mentioned before, we're not good in general at gauging our own happiness. We tend to remember the Kodak moments and the rest gets fuzzy.Dr. Daniel Gilbert explors this in his book Stumbling Upon Happiness.
Yet all this aside, on some level this just feels true. I've definitely had this conversation with childfree people. And while there are childfree people I know who chase the highs and lows - people who own businesses, have more dramatic relationships, or just have that kind of life for whatever reason - it isn't built into our lives. I live a life without a lot of those lows, without that kind of stress. And I suppose the trade-off is not experiencing the comiserate highs.
Of course, childfree people can have a great deal of happiness. We find joy in our friends and family, in our careers, in our pets, in our passions. Parents have those things too, and some will say it isn't the same. Or that they had that life before, and it doesn't compare. Maybe they're right. Who can tell? It's hard to put ourselves in anothers' shoes, and childfree people may feel a particular way about a spouse or career that a parent couldn't understand. A way that tells them they could never, ever, cut back on time with their husband, or time pursuing their passion, to have kids. Not all of us, but it does raise the possibility that you can never really compare feelings.
Ah, well. Even if they do have higher, highs, I would take this option all over again. I'm just not interested in an emotional roller coaster. I have enough joy in my life that it would never be worth buying a bit more with stress, worry, and all those other costs.
But at the end of the day, it is pointless to compare happiness. A lot of women would be miserable without children, and many most) of us would be miserable with them. Perhaps even immune to that joy. Trading places just isn't an option. It's all just an intellectual exercise. At the end of the day we all just have to make the best choice we can for ourselves, then find as much happiness as you can within those choices.
Friday, November 25, 2016
Apparently, some cultures are surprised at how much caucasian babies cry. As someonebwho lives in an immigrant neighborhood, this confirms what I thought I was experiencing. It always seems so loud when I go to the Upper East Side!
Saturday, March 19, 2016
We've placed motherhood on such a high pedestal we've forgotten the huge pros of being a child-free woman
"In the advertising world, our vision of womanhood is barely more diverse, with the ‘Busy Working Mum’ a keen creative cliché. ‘Housewife With Kids’ is an equally popular trope, ignoring the fact that in the 1950 working mums were the minority, and today over 70 per cent of women with children also have a career. The idea of a woman as a full-time mum is becoming increasingly redundant.
Then, of course, there’s the political favourite: the ‘hardworking family’, just doing the best for their offspring. So what happens when you don’t fit into this paradigm? What happens when you become the Not-Mum?
In the US elections as reported by New York magazine, single unmarried women are set to wield the most decisive influence on the run for the White House. They accounted for 23 per cent of the voting electorate in 2012, and some 40 per cent of the African American electorate."
In 2015 the Not Mum Summit was the first landmark meeting of an organisation founded by Karen Malone Wright to promote and protect the rights of those women choosing not to have children.
Technorati Tag: childfree
An author realized she was feeling shame, not indecision, over being childfree. Here's how she came to terms with it.
But what if it’s not really a choice for everyone? What if some of us are simply born this way? . . . I say this not to make an argument for what some might call a “lifestyle choice,” as if it were akin to moving to Portland, but to clarify that childfree is part of my identity, a filter through which I make sense of my place in the world. This might explain why telling people about my husband’s vasectomy has felt a bit like coming out. (Incidentally, I've often wondered if my feeling of apathy toward babies at all mirrors that of non-heterosexuals watching a hetero-normative sex scene, i.e. “meh.") The fact is that childfree is not recognized as an identity — the kind of born-this-way mentality that sexual orientation and gender identity rightfully command. I can’t list how many times I’ve said in my 20s and early 30s that I don’t want children only to have it dismissed with the wave of a hand and a quick, “You might change your mind.”
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
I'm on team dog: if I wanted to take care of an entitled being that doled out affection sparingly, I'd adopt a teenager. But I don't actually have one, since (like those on team cat point out) they're a lot of responsibility and work. But I think we can agree they're both less work and responsibility than babies. It's the great human continuum of what exactly we find rewarding (raising a human being, unbridled affection, furry cuddles, or total freedom) that I find, in the end, dictates how much we're willing to give up. Which expkains why I find this treacley response on HuffPo wholly unconvincing, while I am sure the artist earnestly believes it. Which brings up the Daniel Gilbert question of: how much are we letting selective memory taint our self-assessment of how happy we really are moment to moment? But that's
A reader suggestion to this newspaper sparked some parent-rage. The writer thinks restaurants are a better venue for childfree hours. I've sat next to my share of well behaved kids in restaurants, and understand these parents' ire at being included in a ban instigated by a different kind of parent. I've also pretty much stopped eating at chain restaurants and dining in the suburbs, and dread when friends invite me to the Upper East Side. A solution for both of us would be nice - the ability to ask parents to quiet or control their children when they disturb other diners (just as you would a drunken adult or loud cellphone talker). But we don't live in this world; such a request would likely create confrontation and controversy. It's *this* we need to change. Then we all - adults, quiet childrrn - could dine in relative peace. Or choose a raucous restaurant. Whatever moves you.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Inspired by passionate conversations on her website, Wright has created an offline outlet for childless (women who either cannot or do not have children but want to) and childfree women (women who do not want children) in the form of the recent NotMom Summit in Cleveland, Ohio. The summit was the first large-scale conference dedicated to women who, by choice or by chance, do not have children. . . . Wright believes that both camps deserve to have both the physical and virtual spaces to establish visibility, especially at a time when the societal pressure to become a mother is felt so acutely by all women—both straight and gay—thanks to the cultural fetishizing of motherhood (through celebrities, through the Internet, through the economy of making motherhood an artisanal, and lucrative, hobby). She and her keynote speakers, Melanie Notkin (who is speaking on behalf of childless women) and Meghan Daum (representing childfree women), attribute the pressure to become a mother to the 21st century understanding of feminism and, particularly, to the false ideal of “having it all.” “‘Having it all,’ is the most ironic meme of the last few decades, in that it became popular because it was the cradle of a book by Helen Gurley Brown, who did not have children,” Notkin remarked in an interview with Quartz, referring to the former Cosmopolitan editor-in-chief’s bestseller Having It All, published in 1982.